Ch-Ch-Changes

Do you ever feel like you’re in a constant state of flux? I guess when it comes down to it, we all are, isn’t that what life is about? We adapt and then move onto the next change.

JB quit his job. It was a long-time coming and was absolutely the right choice for us since he was becoming so unhappy on a daily basis, even when he wasn’t there he was always dreading the next moment he would be. My laid-back, easy-going husband is not that type. He was just pushed too much, too far. So he took a giant risk and made a change. It hasn’t been easy; he had nothing lined up and we lost a month of income. He’s now working a physically demanding job for less pay, but at least he’s not there. I’m proud of him for knowing when to walk away.

I’ve been worried about money. I’m still worried, really. However, tough times show you who has your back, and man, my back is COVERED. I’ve had friends pay me for little odd jobs. Stuff I’d have done for free, and didn’t really merit pay, but I know they offered to pay because they wanted to help. That’s love right there. I also got extremely lucky in that my desperate pleas for odd jobs happened to occur at a time that my dear friend Amy (and yes, she’s awesome, too!) needed to bring on an employee to help manage stuff with her awesome shop. (Little Hip Squeaks) I love it. I LOVE DOING THIS. LOVE. IT. I don’t think I can express enough how much I’m enjoying my new job. I love working for Amy, I love her shop, I love her customers. I’m so proud to be a part of this, and I feel so fortunate to have been offered such a great opportunity. I get the best of both worlds– I’m working at a job I enjoy and contributing to my family’s finances all while staying home with my kids.

The kids are changing, too. My baby is walking. He is so curious. As I write this, he’s wandering around trying to find things to step on. The kids loves standing on things that aren’t meant to be stood on. He’s been trying so hard to learn to stack blocks and turn book pages. His favorite things to say are “Mama” “Dada” “Yay” “Yeah” “hiya” and “Jack.” He loves dancing and “singing.” He’s always smiling. He just melts me into a puddle.

Esme is in pre-school. She’s always coming home with adorable art projects and new songs and stories of her friends. She thrives when she’s around people. Even though they’re not even on the writing part of the curriculum yet, she’s been working on it hard at home. She can spell her first and last name and my name. We’ve been working on basic math concepts. She makes it easy since she loves learning. She also loves art. She’s always drawing and making her own paper dolls to play with. I love watching her work.

This awesome life!

Look at me just squeaking by with a post for July! This summer has been flying by too quickly. Every day my kids seem older and I’m not sure if I’m keeping pace with the leaps and bounds at which they’re developing. I can say with certainty that thusfar I have not fulfilled even a portion of my goals for summer, and yet I can’t complain too much. We’ve been lucky enough to spend a lot of time with good friends and make many amazing memories, but have also enjoyed some refreshingly lazy days. My kids are happy and healthy, so I’ll call it a success.

Pieces of Every Day

Sometimes I find my self just ceasing all movement, save for clamping my eyes shut, in some sort of silly attempt to capture the moment, to take a mental photograph and file it away with all of the precious bits and pieces from my life. I tend to see my mind sorted the same way I organize the files on my harddrive, complete with thumbnails representing the countless small moments I try to cling to.

—–

Esme with a lock of hair twirled so tightly around her index finger that it turns blue and I have to carefully snip through the knot in a way that salvages the most hair. She is grateful when there is no visible chunk missing, and vows to never twirl her hair again. Until the next time.

—–

One of my children is a baby, asleep with small, cold feet wedged against my back, only a thick tuft of brown hair distinguishes Jack from Esme as this is a favorite position of both. Tiny, chubby fingers plunge into my hair and I hear a content sigh.

—–

Esme curling up in my arms, singing an “I love you” song and declaring, “You’re the best Mommy ever in the world! You’re my best friend.” She presses her cheek to mine and then asks me to rub her back.

—–

Jack fussing with sore gums, slobber pooling in the corners of his mouth. I sing to him and he starts giggling, then reaches for my face to gum my nose.

—–

These tiny moments of my life are so ordinary but so special all at once.

Wordless(ish) Wednesday

(I recently uploaded some pics from my camera and found these from March.)

In which I get back on the figurative horse

Things are (mostly) good here in Awesomeland. My lack of updates isn’t due to any big mishaps or the like, just my own inability to get over myself. The longer I go without updating, the more intimidating it is to slap some words together, but here I am, slapping away.

Jack is now five months old. It seems unfair that his babyhood is just flying by, but I’m trying, and trying hard, to savor it. It’s not always easy when we’re on the 4th or 5th wake-up call for the night, but all I have to do is look at his sweet gummy smile, those dimples forming caverns in his perfectly chunked up cheeks, his little folds on his thighs and wrists… oh boy, this baby does me in.

He loves to grab my face between both of his hands, and just attack my nose and lips with slobbery, open-mouthed kisses, making sure to gum heavily to ease his teething pain. He also loves jamming those wee fingers into my or his sisters hair, first gently stroking and gazing in wonder, and then yanking, sometimes detaching small chunks. 

He’s very social and will reward anyone who leans in to talk to him with the kind of smiles that make his eyes squint. He smiles with his whole face. Being kissed or sung to will inevitably draw out giggles if he’s feeling active, and swoony sighs when he’s sleepy. He loves music and he loves my voice, and especially loves his sister’s. So often I find them giggling together, the love between them so strong I can practically see the cartoon hearts.

He gets around primarily by rolling and rotating. He tries to crawl but just gets pissed off. I fear that these kids have inherited my slacker perfectionist under-achiever mindset. I like nothing that doesn’t come easily and naturally to me.

This boy is growing and changing every day, I wish he’d slow down, but I’ll enjoy the ride nonetheless.

In which Esme turns four

(Also check out videos for years ONE, TWO, and THREE)

This is being posted late because E woke up at 5am on her birthday with the worst stomach bug I’ve ever witnessed. She spent her entire day sleeping in my bed, puking, crying, and getting countless showers while sobbing, “People don’t get sick on their birthdays!” Her brother and father succumbed to it the following evening. I remained unscathed somehow, but have been exhausted by several days of caring for sick people, particularly a sick (but ever cheerful) infant who has been nursing at an insane rate. I feel so sad that she missed out on having a magical birthday, or even a pleasant birthday, but of course we can’t change what is and what has been.

Enough about the unpleasantness though, let’s talk about Esme. She is a blur of bright colors, music, and glitter. She dances and sings every day. She is still a darling little cuddle bug who stops what she’s doing every so often throughout the typical day just to say, “I love you, Mommy.” and “You’re my best friend.” She adores her brother and constantly coos at him in babytalk and tells him how he’s “as cute as a pumpkin in a pie.” She also has a sweet daddy-daughter relationship and they let me sleep in most Saturday mornings so they can cuddle in the big, brown chair watching cartoons together. They also like to toss around the (Nerf) football and wrestle. Lately she’s been asking him to play chess with her, which thrills him to no end since he’s mildly obsessed with chess sets. Her personality is so big– she’s forever cheerful, bubbly, and witty, but also shows a great deal of empathy and a sensitive temperament. Unfortunately she seems to have inherited my quick and easy temper, as well as my perfectionism, which are a really bad combination, but so far she manages them better than I do, so I can’t complain too much.

Other interests of hers include music, particularly They Might Be Giants, which remains her favorite band (and not just the kid stuff.) She also likes Presidents of the United States of America, Pavement, Ash, Jets to Brazil (“This is your wedding song!” she exclaims when she hears Blake Schwarzenbach’s voice in any song.) She also likes making up her own songs which is definitely one of my quirks, so it’s endearing to see the bits of my personality in hers. She’s also getting into video games, which is another interest that both JB and I pursue. We gave her a Nintendo DS and a Lalaloopsy game for her birthday and she’s hooked. She also loves being read to, which only really developed this past year. I am a bookworm and so I was sad that she never had any interest in being read to as a baby/young toddler (meanwhile Jack adores it already!) but she’s finally showing the love for getting lost in a story that I know so well. She’s artistic, like her father. She loves drawing and painting with any medium. She loves any and all craft kits she can get her hands on. She loves creating things. She loves life in general.

(modeling Daddy’s glasses.)

Stuff! About!! Me!!!

I stole these questions from’s Vanessa’s blog since I’m questionably skilled when it comes to update content. Onward!

1. Tell us the short story of how you got started blogging?

It was April of 2001 and my honors English class was killing some time in the library as it was nearing the end of our last year of high school. My friend Jess suggested I start up a livejournal, and being EVEN MORE self-indulgent at 17 than I am now, I was hooked.

2. Are you an Apple or a PC?

I’m an Apple, though I also regularly use a PC since it’s better for gaming (anyone reading this play SWTOR? Yes?) and my macbook is no longer in its prime.

3. What is your ideal Sunday afternoon?

Striking the balance between being lazy and feeling like I still have something to show for the day. Also, sleeping in and junk food, please.

4. Where is your dream destination?

Anywhere! Everywhere! I don’t travel often ever.

5. Beach bungalow or Mountain chalet?

Beach bungalow. I live in a mountainous area so a change of scenery would be nice.

6. Pencils or Pens?

Pens, I like the feeling that my words and doodles have permanence. 

7. What is your go-to recipe?

I’m not a very good cook, nor do I particularly enjoy cooking, to be totally honest. I do like wrapping junk up in crescent rolls and pretending I’m a culinary genius. 

8. What’s at the top of your playlist this week?

Mumford & Sons. I go through phases.

9. Favorite young adult fiction, or are you too cool for that school?

I, too, enjoyed the Hunger Games trilogy, as well as Harry Potter. I also loved The Giver and Stargirl. I don’t really read a ton of YA but it’s probably still one of my favorite genres.

10. Black or green thumb?

I inherited my mom’s black thumb. My dad could make anything grow anywhere but my mom and I can kill plastic plants. 

11. Favorite indulgence?

Bubble baths and beer.

 

I tag ALL Y’ALL. 

No one likes VD…

But I suppose some of us like Valentine’s Day.

As to me, I could take or leave it. I like all the cute Valentine’s Day decor at Target. I like having another excuse to be mushy (though I indulge daily without provocation.) I especially like experiencing things like this through my kids’ eyes. (well, Esme’s eyes; Jack is too small to care.) I am still all gooey, melty, mushy over my husband, and I’ll take any reason to celebrate that.

This year is special in that it’s been ten years since we first met, and we’ll be celebrating five years of marriage in June. Though I don’t remember the date, I do have strong memories of our first meeting in 2002. He had recently moved back into town from Pittsburgh after getting a graphic design degree from the Art Institute of Pittsburgh (and let’s pause for a moment to reflect on why my graphic design husband won’t prettify my blog. Hmm.) He had previously worked at The Wall starting in late ’97 (which had transitioned to an FYE in August/September of 2001) and was coming back to tide him over until he got a job in his field. I had been working there since the previous summer while going to college. Our friend Joe introduced us, and I asked JB what kind of music he liked. I thought this was a valid question since we worked at a store that, at the time, specialized primarily in CD sales. He sighed and said, “I don’t really like to label the music I listen to…” and I just rolled my eyes and thought, “This dude is clearly one who thinks he’s much cooler than everybody else.” Of course, I couldn’t be more wrong about my initial assessment. Meanwhile JB was thinking, “This girl is cute, has a nice rack, but she is really young and has too much energy.” When he got to know me better, he added to that, “She likes tall, skinny musicians, not chubby, short artists; she’d never be into me.”

We ended up bonding over our mutual love for stretched piercings and Jets to Brazil. He loaned me his Texas is the Reason CD, we became good friends. In 2004, we were both in relationships that were with people about whom we cared deeply, but were ultimately not compatible with. We started joking about ending our relationships with an elaborate plan involving me wearing nothing but a pink cowboy hat. A year later, we were both single. I was unemployed and thinking of coming back to the store. JB was the assistant manager there but a bit disappointed that he had yet to find employment in his field. We decided to drown our sorrows together in some beers. As we sat in the bar making fun of the terrible cover band, that little voice inside of my head that normally act as my conscience piped up, “Dude, JB is the PERFECT guy for me.” That scared the shit out of me, so I did what any sensible person would do, and ignored and avoided him for the next six months. (What? You wouldn’t do that?) JB was not happy during this time. He knew he was into me, but was first and foremost my friend and didn’t know why I was avoiding him.

I started working at the store again that October. Joe seemed to always schedule JB and I to close together. We’d spend our time at the store giggling and listening to good music in between our actual work. After closing on Black Friday, we decided some beers were in order (see the theme?) and ended up spending the night together. We’ve rarely been apart since then. I finally returned his Texas is the Reason CD when we moved in together and we were lucky enough to see their reunion show on our first dating anniversary. Our wedding song was Jets to Brazil’s Sweet Avenue, and Joe was one of my bridesdudes. JB and I still stay up way too late talking, we hold hands in the car, I still get butterflies when I know he’ll be home from work soon. We have two beautiful children and a marriage our friends say that they strive to emulate.

I don’t need Valentine’s Day to express my love for JB; with love like this, every day is worth celebrating.

Esme & the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

Yesterday was not our greatest day.

After breakfast, Esme bit her tongue badly.  Mouth injuries are a giant pain in the rear because even the minor ones bleed profusely and it’s hard to assess the damage. Esme is a tough girl and such a trooper, but I am pretty sure anyone would be unnerved by that much blood. At one point, she wailed, “It will never be pink again!” Her hysterics left me feeling shaken, but once we stopped the flow of blood, she calmed down and we were able to see that she’s got a decent cut on the tip of her tongue, but nothing major. I ran her a bubble bath (easiest way to cheer her up) and she spent the rest of the day happily examining the cut whenever she got the chance.

Then there was sinner time. Jack was fussy, so I ate in bed while nursing him (I’m a multi-tasker!) and Esme came up after she finished eating. Except something happened. It’s hard to figure out if she still had food in her chipmunk cheeks, or if some of it came back up, but she started freaking out, gagging, and sputtering that she couldn’t breathe. I tried to get her to calm down and chug some water, but was screaming my head off for JB in the meantime, so yeah, probably not very calming. She was gasping that she needed to puke when JB got there and he held her over the toilet and performed the Heimlich Maneuver. She ejected the offending bits of food, puked and immediately smiled and said, “I’m all better!” and then kept trying to reassure me– the sobbing, shaking mess.

I am not good in a crisis, apparently.

When all was said and done, I’m beyond grateful that my girl was okay. I’m also amazed by her ability to overcome such crummy circumstances and end the day all smiles and giggles. She has told me several dozen times in the past week that I am the greatest mom EVER and while I didn’t feel like it yesterday, it sure sounded good to hear.

Esme in Twenty-twelve

Life with a newborn tends to be kind of overwhelmingly centered on said-newborn. We went into this stage of our lives knowing that, and with a plan to make sure Esme still felt special and important. It seems that all of our worrying was a bit excessive because we have a girl whose only bouts of jealousy occur when someone says something like, “Jack is my little boy!” at which point, she’ll exclaim, “No, he is mine!” She is just enamored with him and doesn’t mind sharing Mommy and Daddy with him, but does mind having to share him with others, particularly her cousin Dylan, who is also smitten with baby Jack (and also exceptionally adept at being around a newborn.)

This said, we’ve still been able to enjoy a lot of special one-on-one time with Esme. She’s been to the movie theater TWICE this past month. She went with JB to see the new Muppet movie (I’m jealous, I wanted to go! I love Jason Segel.) Yesterday, she and I went to see the new Chipmunk movie, which was also my first time away from Jack. I just had to pump some milk and it went well for everyone involved, particularly Esme who also got to play the arcade games at the theater while we waited for JB and Jack to pick us up. She’s such an easy-going and adaptable kid that she’s been happy just sitting in the rocking chair next to my desk while I play Sims on Facebook and knit. (I’m leaning to knit! More on that to come!)

When she’s not wrapped up in her new role as sister, she’s been spending a lot of time on her art. She got a ton of new art supplies for Christmas, and so I set up a little art corner of her playroom which she loves. She’s also been spending a lot of time helping us with little household tasks, which is something she’s young enough to still genuinely enjoy. She’s been expressing an interest in letters, and so we’ve been working on them bit by bit. Her favorites to write are E and J, for herself and Jack, obviously. She has a renewed interest in her dolls and plushes, and has been calling them her precious babies, and even pretending to breastfeed and burp them. I’m amused because she never pretended to breastfeed her babies before, despite having been breastfed herself. She also discovered the magic of stick-on earrings, since she is not yet allowed to have pierced ears (we’re THOSE parents) and has been delighting in wearing them and looking grown-up. Other than that, she’s been up to the usual singing, dancing, running, playing, cuddling life that she’s so great at.

As to the rest of us, JB has been playing Star Wars: The Old Republic in his down time, Jack is perfecting his gorgeous smile and neck control, and I have been undertaking big organization projects around the house, as well as starting work on my 101 things list, which is a blog for another day. Life is good in the Awesome household.